8 Things to Do When Someone Dies
Written by Maria Zalessky
Death often comes for our loved ones unexpectedly. Even when death is expected, no one prepares you for what to do next. When people die, they leave a whole life behind for their loved ones to resolve. This process can feel overwhelming and unfair. This short list of key things to do when someone dies can help focus the path forward.
(1) Get an official declaration of death. If your loved one passes at home, you will need to call 911 or a medical professional that was helping care for them to officially proclaim your loved one dead. This is the first step in the process of getting a death certificate.
When the death certificate is ready (usually within 1-2 weeks), request the death certificate. You will need this for many things–it’s best to get about 5 copies depending on the variety of assets the person has.
(2) Find information about funeral and memorial plans. This will often be in a safe or safe deposit box. You can also call the funeral home where you think your loved one had a pre-paid funeral plan. Hopefully, you had the opportunity to discuss where to find this information with your loved one before they passed. If not, it is simply a matter of calling likely candidates and then making the arrangements if there are none.
If the person was a veteran, the VA will likely pay for a funeral. Contact the VA if the person was a veteran.
(3) Notify people. Send a blast on social media, call employers, neighbors, and houses of worship. People will probably reach out to you and offer to help you with some of the organizational tasks and when they do, delegate what you can. You may feel guilty not being able to handle everything but 10/10 times, grieving people (that’s you!) need community and a support system. You are not alone and connection during trying times helps open up grief.
(4) Plan the funeral, disposition of the remains, and memorial or celebration of life. Okay, this is three things in one, but they all go together. In Colorado, there is an estate planning document that identifies a person’s desires with funeral plans, disposition of remains, and memorial or celebration of life. However, if there is no document, the person who takes this over is usually either the legal next of kin (spouse or child) or the appointed Personal Representative of their estate.
In Colorado, there are many greener options for disposition of remains including water cremation and composting.
This part can feel overwhelming because this is one of the places where the reality of the death sinks in. Try to make choices that would be meaningful to your loved one and don’t give in to pressure or sales tactics to guilt you into something you don’t think feels authentic to the person who passed.
Task someone with writing an obituary and publish it. This is a great task to delegate because someone in the group of people that is mourning channels their grief through words. Guaranteed.
(5) Check in on the animals and pets and come up with an interim plan for their care. Pets are often accounted for in the estate plan so keep in mind that the solution you come up with might not be permanent. Many people believe that animals grieve too so take some time to sit with them and maybe you can comfort each other.
(6) Find the will and/or estate planning documents. You will need the original Will in Colorado if there is one. If there is no Will, this may be an intestate succession issue. Intestate law can get complicated depending on what family members are in the mix, so it’s important to:
(7) Make a family tree. Increasingly our world is complicated and filled with “non-traditional” family types. Intestate law has not kept up with the varieties of ways people have families in the modern world. It’s extremely important to have an updated family tree with phone numbers, addresses, and other contact information for each family member if you need to file to open an estate through the Probate courts.
(8) Contact a lawyer. Most lawyers will offer a free consultation and it’s important for you to know your rights with respect to any kind of estate. Sometimes, the answer is as simple as an affidavit that will allow you to collect assets. Others, there is an extremely complex legal situation where time is of the essence. Either way, it’s important to have a lawyer’s insight on the legal portion of the person’s passing.
When a person you know passes away, it can have unexpected repercussions on a mental, physical, and emotional level. Know that you are not alone with your struggles and please understand that while we never fully grow out of a loss, we can grow around it. Keep moving forward one step at a time and trust that this too shall pass.